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Unrequited [1/1]

Title: Unrequited
Pairing: Hanchul; Sichul; Yewon; Yewook; Henwook; Zhoury; Qmi; Kyumin; Hyukmin; Eunhae; Kihae; Kangteuk, Shindong/Nari
Rating: G
Genre: Angst, fluff? drabbley like
Summary: It's a never-ending cycle of hope and broken hearts, of hurting and being hurt and none of them can break out.
A/N: Happy Birthday to sungmins_wifey


♥ Hangeng ♥

It is Hangeng to whom Heechul goes to before his solo and it is to Hangeng that he gripes on about horrifyingly ugly costumes and terrible working conditions which actually seem quite fine in Hangeng's eyes but since the smaller man had told him that they were inhumane, thank you very much, he just had to agree and hope that the fiery one wouldn't realize that the smile on his face wasn't one of understanding but one of fond indulgence.

Heechul doesn't notice, of course, he never does, and he pats Hangengs head fondly as if he were a rather obedient pet and Hangeng puts up with it because he knows Heechul doesn't really mean it like that and he opens his mouth to say something, maybe call the other an idiot to distract him from the faint blush that Hangeng could feel creeping to his cheeks the longer the others creamy skin made contact with the hair on his head. But then Heechul's name is called and it is his turn to perform and Hangeng turns to wish him luck and Heechul smiles wickedly up at him.

"Go on. Make the crowd go wild." he says and Heechul scoffs.

"I always do."

Then he rises to the tips of his toes and brushes his lips against Hangeng's cheek before running off towards the stage with his ringing laughter lingering in the air and Hangeng lifts a hand to cup his burning cheek and allows himself to think that the kiss was one of love and not because it was just Heechul's nature to press his lips against anything that moved.

His cheek is still burning when Heechul grabs Siwon's chin, tilts his head just so and kisses the man passionately like he'd never kissed Hangeng before in front of thousands and thousands of fans. The drumsticks slip from Siwon's slack fingers and Hangeng heart cracks a little as the crowd goes wild.




♥ Heechul ♥

Heechul pulls Siwon over later after the performance with his feet feeling like jelly beneath him and a smirk on his face to try to hide how nervous he was.

"About the kiss..." he begins to say, clutching Siwon's arm and looking up challengingly at the confused man, but then Siwon smiles down at him after the words 'kiss' come out and Heechul stops and tells himself that no, he was not looking at those dimples (he had some of his own).

"It's okay." Siwon reassures him, throwing an arm over Heechul's shoulder and pulling him closer till their faces were only an inch apart and Heechul wonders if he still has enough lipgloss on to culminate this moment. "It's just fanservice right?"

The ground promptly disappears beneath Heechul's feet.

"Of course." he replies with a laugh and he smiles at Siwon and then walks away still smiling, because he was Kim Heechul and Kim Heechul was strong.




♥ Siwon ♥

Later that night, Siwon experiences the horror (honor?) of waking up to find a fluffy-haired individual standing ominously above him with a strange glint in his eyes and a short finger on the space above his mouth.

"What are you doing?!" he asks, ever the perfect gentleman as he tried to think of ways to move away from the offending finger without possibly hurting the feelings of the other man.

Yesung doesn't answer. He withdraws his hand and calmly walks away and Siwon... Siwon thinks he badly needs a cup of strong black coffee so he could wake up and rethink how wise of a decision it was to join an idol group composed of people he didn't know (he shakes his head and refuses to think about serial killers and manic laughter).

Later though, once he's got the mug of coffee nestled comfortably in his hands and enough caffeine in his system to keep him up for days, he finds he quite likes the fact that the other had found it pertinent to visit his room out of all the other members rooms just to touch the valley between the mouth and nose. (philtrum? was that what it was called?). It was weird, yes, and Siwon can still sort of feel shivers from such a disturbingly new experience he also finds it quite endearing, and Siwon begins to think that it might be he himself who needs therapy and not the small silent one.

Nevertheless, he prepares for the visit the next night, he washes his face and combs his hair and he leaves the door to his room unlocked and promptly falls asleep. But this time around it's shrill screaming that's distinctly Ryeowooks that wakes him up and he feels his heart sink just a little bit because he wanted Yesung to come to only him but then his senses catch up with him and his eyes widen and he shakes his head and he thinks of mass and church and how he desperately needed to get to a confession booth soon because he knew so well how much of a sin it to was to fall in love with a man.

(almost just as bad as the feeling of the jealousy burning in his veins)




♥ Yesung ♥

Yesung loves Ryeowook. He was man enough to admit that to himself and he tells this to Ddangkoma often.

"I love Ryeowook." he says, and the turtle blinks up at him and Yesung smiles, happy that the other had understood and he goes to Ryeowook later to request a special turtle meal for Ddangkoma for being such a good boy and Ryeowook smiles up at him and promises to make one right at this very moment but as they're on their way to the kitchen Ryeowooks phone rings and Yesung watches in despair as Ryeowook's eyes twinkle as he sees the name on the display and answers the call cheerfully.

"Oh! Henli!!!"

The special turtle meal is forgotten and Yesung is drawn once against towards him and Ryeowook's shared room as he's gotten tired of pouting in a corner while Ryeowook and his Henli chatted in a language Yesung couldn't understand.

"Ryeowook loves me." Yesung tells the turtle waiting there.

Ddangkoma retreats into his shell.




♥ Ryeowook ♥

"When will you be coming back?" is the first question that Ryeowook asks once they'd had the pleasantries out of the way and the static of crappy phone lines filled the silence.

"I'm not sure," Henry tells him, and then there was silence once again as Ryeowook fiddled absentmindedly with the stitching of his woolen sweater (a gift of Henry's from Canada) as he felt his heart drop down a notch but he ignores it and decides that he was not a fan of long silences so he breaks it and tells Henry of their latest fan meet and how Heechul had stepped up their fan service and how approving their fan base had been of it and how he desperately hoped that management wouldn't pick up on this new trend.

"Does it really matter that much?" Henry laughs at him through the phone and Ryeowook silently curses the object for horribly mangling that wonderful tinkling sound, "At least you get to kiss Yesung!"

"I don't want to kiss him!" Ryeowook bursts out quickly, and Henry laughs even harder all the way back in China.

"Of course not, Ge," Henry says to him and Ryeowook could feel the teasing radiating from the other's voice and he feels a tiny sort of niggling somewhere in his chest because Henry thinks he loves Yesung, but he doesn't and he wanted Henry to know that.

"Henli..." Ryeowook begins wishing he didn't have to do it this way because he imagined it in a garden under the moonbeams with a little bit of wine and some American food that he prepared himself (because he knew Henry misses it so much) and maybe he'd have some soft music playing; not like this, when they were a country apart, in contact only through artificial means.

"Henli, I-" he starts again because he can't quite find his voice at a moment like this, but then another shrill voice answers from the receiver and the voice isn't Henry's but it's familiar and it should have brought even just a teeny bit of joy to Ryeowook because he hasn't seen the other man for ages but all he feels is a small bite of an emotion he didn't quite want to identify as Henry answers the foreign voice.

"Mimi-ge!" Henry says, joy filtering through the receiver and hanging low in the air, oppressively genuine even as Ryeowook wished darkly that the phone had reproduced it artificial.

But it isn't. Wasn't.

No matter how much he'd wish it would be.




♥ Henry ♥

Henry knows everybody sees him as the cute, adorable, innocent dongsaeng.

He knows this and he tries his best to act the part because he didn't want to break poor Eeteuk-umma's heart and he wanted to keep the older man believing that at least one of his 'children' was still innocent. He was bound to hate it sometimes though, when thin elegant fingers reached over to pinch his cheeks and ruffle his hair and all he could do was pout and blink innocently when he wanted to scratch and snarl.

"Zhou Mi-ge!" he'd whine and the other would simply laugh at him and then walk away on his long spindly legs.

There was once a time when Henry could have imagined that those touches had meant something, but liked everything else in his life, he just had to muck it all up.

"If you were a girl," he'd asked Zhou Mi way back when he had first started feeling that curious fluttering in his stomach, "What type of man would you want?"

"Tall, dark and handsome." Zhou Mi had answered right away though his attention was focused elsewhere.

Henry followed his elder's gaze and a hard lump formed in his throat.

"Oh." he had said back then, and then they both forget about the incident.

And even now, as Zhou Mi steals the phone from his hands and demands Li Xu to please hand the phone over to his Kui Xian because he hasn't heard the other's voice in forever, the hard lump in his throat is the only true thing that shows his feelings.

He puffs out his cheeks and stares at his reflection on the shiny metal studs on Zhou Mi's handbag and sighs.

Short, cute and innocent.

NOT Zhou Mi's type.




♥ Zhou Mi ♥

"Kui Xiannnn!!!!!!!!

"I'm busy."

"But Kui Xian!!!"

"I said I'm busy."

"....."

"....."

"You're playing starcraft aren't you."

"No. I'm reading a book."

"....really?"

"NO."

"Why are you so mean?!"

"I'm not."

"Then what is this?"

"I'm just being my normal awesome self."

"....."

"....."

"Kui Xian?"

"What?"

"I miss you."

"I miss you too Hyung."

"Yay!"

"Aish, don't act like a girl."

"i do not act like a girl!"

"No shit."

"You're being mean again."

"No I'm not."

"Ha! You admitted it! You're being mean!"

"I didn't."

"But you did!"

"No."

"...."

"...."

"I bought you new shades, the ones with the g-details. You're so going to like them."

"I'll pretend to know what that means."

"Aren't you even going to thank me?"

"For g-details?"

"Hey! They're hard to find!"

"If you say so."

"Hmph...see if i ever buy you anything again."

"...."

"...."

"...."

"What level are you on?"

"I just need to kick this last boss' ass and I'm done."

"Oh...Congratulations."

"You don't even know what I'm talking about do you?"

"Well you didn't know what g-details were either so we're square."

"I'm not a girl, how am I supposed to know about those kinds of things?"

"Are you saying I am?"

"I never said anything like that. You said it yourself"

"Kui Xian...."

"Are you going to cry now? Aish, you really are a girl aren't you?"

"I'm not! I'm taller than you!"

"I bet it's because you wear heels!"

"I do not!"

"......"

"Kui Xian, Henli and I are going to be back there in a week. I miss Korea."

"I'm sure you do. It has me in it after all."

"You're so stuck-up.

"I'm just telling the truth."

"...."

"....."

"Will you be there in the airport to pick me up?"

"Heechul and Ryeowook will go."

"But what about you?"

"I already have plans for that night."

"Awwww, but Kui Xian! Can't you move them to another night?"

"No."

"What are you going to be doing anyway?"

"Wine Tasting."

"Oh."

"Yes."

"....."

"....."

"You really can't move it to another night?"

"No."

"Okay. I understand."

"Good."

"Well, I have to go now."

"Okay."

"Bye. See you in a week."

"Bye."

"......"

"......."

"Kui Xian...?"

"Mmmm?"

"......."

"......"

"...nothing. Bye Kui Xian"

"Bye."

Beep.

Beep.

Beep.




♥ Kyuhyun ♥

Kyuhyun is living the perfect life.

He sits in his perfect leather chair (the type with wheels under them) wearing the sweats that he unearthed from under a pile of his clothing (which had caused Eeteuk to wrinkle his nose at him) a plate full of sandwiches by his side (Ryeowook had brought them in earlier in fear that he'd get himself an ulcer) and of course, his best friend up and running in front of him (with high-speed internet).

Everything was alright and fine in the world for him as he sat there with his eyes glued to the screen as his hands practically flew through the oil-slicked keyboard (he swore the oil wasn't from him), that is, until a certain someone walks through the door.

"Hyung!" he greets the other one first, eyes flicking over to the pink-clad man reflected in the mirror he had set up beside his laptop specifically for this purpose before returning his eyes to the screen just in time for his character to be overtaken by Zergs as he could only watch on in horror.

"Hey Kyu~" the cheerful voice that pipes up behind him distracts him from his despair. "What are you doing?"

And before Kyuhyun could turn around to look at his Hyung to answer, a nice weight is suddenly resting lightly over his right shoulder and arms encircle loosely over his chest, a soft cheek brushes faintly against his and Kyuhyuns breath hitches. It's nice and warm.

Too warm.

Kyuhyun fights off a shudder.

"Dying." Kyuhyun answers, and he isn't only talking about his character on the screen.

The other's chuckle tickles his ear before the weight is lifted and Kyuhyun shuts his eyes and tries to just fucking breathe because he shouldn't affect him like this but the sweet scent of vanilla and some sort of citrus scent lingered in the air and it absolutely doesn't help his little buddy down there.

"Min…" he calls out once he's managed to gather himself once again, and he opens his eyes and peers into the gilded frame of his mirror with hopeful eyes. "Minnie?"

But the room is empty, and cold. Save for the frail man hunched over the laptop that flashed the words 'Game Over' across his crestfallen face repeatedly and the painful, suffocating silence.




♥ Sungmin ♥

Sungmin goes to Hyukjae because the younger one told him that he wanted to talk about something and Hyukjae looks so serious about the matter that Sungmin allows himself to hope.

Hyukjae takes Sungmin aside to talk about Donghae and Sungmin tries his best not to cry.

"It's okay." Sungmin says as he encases Hyukjaes hands in his to stop the other from fidgeting (or so he tells himself) "You guys are always together. I bet he likes you too."

"Thanks." Hyukjae says to him. "You are the bestest friend anyone could ever have."

Something twinges at the word 'friend', but then Hyukjae flashes his gummy smile and Sungmin sees just how much Hyukjae appreciates him as his friend and he decides that maybe, just maybe, that was enough.




♥ Eunhyuk ♥

Eunhyuk wakes up to Donghae snuggling close to him and suddenly, the world was perfect.

"Wake up Hyuk! Wake up! Wake up!" he chants into Eunhyuks ear as he hugs the thin man close.

"M'awake." Eunhyuk mumbles, feeling quite empty after the loss of contact from Donghae's skin. He curls himself up into a ball under his blanket and groans, hoping to bring the heat back all by himself. Expectedly, the bed begins to bounce around him.

"Hyukjae! Hyukjae! Hyukjae!"

"Mmmmm." Eunhyuk says intelligently in protest to his bouncing bed.

Eventually, Donghae drags a very drowsy Eunhyuk out of bed while babbling about watching a movie and Eunhyuk allows himself to be dragged because even in his sleep-befuddled state, he could still register that Donghae was holding his hand and that was all that mattered.

"What are we going to watch?" he asks when they're finally on the 12th floor and he's thrown on the couch quite carelessly by a very excited Donghae.

"Finding Nemo." Kibum answers him from the floor with half a hotdog in his mouth and a bowl of popcorn by his feet.

"Again?" Eunhyuk groans, and Donghae sits beside Kibum and steals the rest of the hotdog from Kibums mouth and Kibum only smiles as he does so.

"Why not?" Kibum asks him. as Donghae claps excitedly and leans against him as the movie began. "You know Donghae absolutely loves the movie."

"I know." Eunhyuk says, sinking down into the pillows hoping that they'd swallow him whole as he watches Donghae feed Kibum with popcorn.

"Donghae loves it so so much."




♥ Donghae ♥

Kibum gives Donghae a fish on their first anniversary.

The fish is a small clownfish that they'd named Kihae, a combination of their names. It came in one of those small fishbowls with barely enough space for big fish to swim in, but Donghae had never thought of changing the bowl. The fish was small enough to be able to swim freely anyway and the bowl itself was special, Custom-made.

A small heart had been cut out from the top part of one side of it, simple and quaint, just like the small smile Kibum had given Donghae when he'd handed the bowl over before he had calmly walked away.

Donghae liked tracing his finger over the small indentions in the glass as he watched over his Kihae with fond eyes, he'd start from the dip in the middle first, feel the sharp point of it dig into the pad of his forefinger before he rims around the edges of heart and then his finger drops down to trace over the words engraved lovingly under it as Kihae swims closer and stares at him through the glass.

"How cheesy." Eunhyuk tells him when he first reads the words engraved under the heart and Donghae pouts up at him. "I didn't know Kibum could be so cheesy."

"He's romantic." Donghae corrects irately, and he reads the words over again and smiles. "You're just jealous he won't do the same to you."

"I'm not jealous of you." Eunhyuk protests but Donghae isn't listening anymore. His phone had vibrated and he answers it cheerily.

"Kibum-ah!" he greets; not hearing the door behind him open and close and the sudden emptiness of the room.

"Hello Hyung." Kibum answers and the sound of running vehicles accompanies his voice.

"I miss you so much Kibummie! When will you come over again?" Donghae asks as he drops a few pellets of fish food in the bowl and watches in amusement as Kihae tries to eat them all.

"Well, Hae? I don't think I can..." something is dropped, the tinkling of glasses filter through the receiver and there's a sudden blast of loud music that's immediately muffled by the slamming of what Donghae could only guess was a door.

Donghae's forehead creases.

"You can't?" he repeats and he pouts even though he knows Kibum couldn't see him. "Again?"

"I'm really sorry."

"You have a taping again?"

"A taping? Oh, um, yes. Something like that. I'm sorry..." Kibum's voice crackles and then there's a pause and a distinctly female voice laughs in the background, "I promise to be there next week."

"It's okay, Kibum-ah," Donghae says tracing a finger once again over the heart Kibum had carved into the glass, reminding himself of how hearts should be shaped like apples and not two separate fish fins (but then, Kibum hated apples, didn't he?), "I understand."

An intake of breath and a giggle that wasn't Kibum's.

"Thank you," Kibum wheezes into the phone, and Donghae opens his mouth to say something else but the busy dial tone greets him and he swallows to get rid of the sudden thickening in his throat.

No. He thinks. Kibum wouldn't.

He allows his eyes to drift over to the words engraved on the fish bowl once again and a shaky smile graces his lips. He only had to believe the words Kibum had engraved in the glass and everything would be alright:

"Out of all the fishes in the sea, I only love you."

The fishbowl said, and if there was anyone who believed in words etched in the domed glass, it would be him. Ever naive and ever innocent Donghae, of the East Sea.




♥ Kibum ♥

Kibum is an actor, so he acts and he attends workshops and goes to tapings and premieres and does auditions and screenings for his dream roles and he never has time for himself.

Or for Donghae, for that matter.

But he loves Donghae and he's quite sure of that. Or he did, back when they'd seen each other every day and it was the other's feathery kisses that woke him up in the morning and the other's warmth snuggled up against his that lulled him to sleep in the night and he just didn't quite know how to let go nor did he want to.

Absence didn't make his heart grow fonder. It only made it easier for him to forget.

And Kibum didn't like it.

So he borrows Kihae from Donghae for the week, stating that the clownfish was a shared possession of theirs and he has the right to take care of it too and Donghae leaves the fish in his apartment with a note and a kiss that Kibum pins to the refrigerator door to remind himself of how lucky he is.

He swears that he'd keep Kihae nurtured and alive for the week and if he can find the time to do just that then he could start working on the bigger things. Like finally taking Donghae to the newly-opened amusement park the older had been so hyped about recently. Or even just visit Donghae, because he hasn't seen the other for just a little less than a month and he's bothered by the fact that he isn't bothered about it.

He starts off quite well. He changes the water in the bowl the first time the fish gets there and he drops a few pellets in three times a day. But his diligence deteriorates and soon, when premiere after premiere comes and his actor friends invite him over and the after parties last till way after the sun is up he returns home one day to find the lone fish floating upside down in the fishbowl and suddenly, suddenly everything is a myriad of doubts and accusations and he sinks to his knees in front of it and hugs the bowl tightly to his chest, uncaring of how the water in it sloshed around and drenched his designer suit.

He thinks, if he can't even keep a clownfish alive, how could he expect himself to be able to take care of Donghae? How would he be able to keep the other happy when a fish, such a low maintenance creature dies under his care?

When Donghae asks for his Kihae again a few days later, Kibum buys another fish that looked exactly like the past and he has Donghae pick it up in his apartment while he's gone and he tries to forget what happened, or how many times this has already happened. How many times he's doubted.

Because the Kihae in Donghae's fishbowl isn't the second Kihae, it isn't even the third. It's the sixth one, and Donghae still doesn't know and Kibum hopes the other will never find out. But he doesn't know how long he can keep this going because when he thinks of love and passion and all the other things he'd felt before he'd immersed himself in acting he remembers something vaguely happy, something that might have been contentment but just a notch better than that. And then he tries to feel them again, recreate them in his being and when he looks in the mirror he sees a happy man with twinkling eyes and a blinding smile but inside it feels different.

Inside it's cold and empty and Kibum is just so fucking tired of it all.




♥ Shindong ♥

Shindong is straight. He loves Nari and he loves his members but he can't help but spend more and more of his time with Nari than he ever did before.

"They're all so messed up." he tells Nari as he sits in her kitchen as she pitters and patters about making him his lunch as she hummed a nice cheery tune, "I'm glad I'm not gay."

"I love you just the way you are," Nari agrees and she places the food in front of Shindong and plops down right next to him and watches fondly as Shindong digs in and he's happy, very happy.

That is, until Youngwoon calls him on the phone and tells him to please, please go back to the dorms and watch over the 'children' because he and Jungsoo are going out tonight and they don't want to come back to the dorms in ruins. So Shindong closes his phone, shuts his eyes and lets out a loud groan.

"What's wrong?" Nari asks him and Shindong makes a grim face.

"Get your umbrella ready. We're going to angst land."

And not very surprisingly, Nari understands.




♥ Kangteuk ♥

Kangin and Eeteuk are together and they're happy, because not everybody has to have an overly dramatic love story. But then when they remember that all of their 'children' aren't as happy as they'd like them to be and the dimples on Eeteuk's cheeks disappear and Kangin pulls him in closer for a big reassuring hug and Kangin says:

"Don't worry. Things will get better."

and he kisses the top of Eeteuks head and thinks: no, they're not quite that happy after all.




FIN

A/N: I don't like most of these but i still thought i'd post them so... XD. (The yewook is my favorite one, which is weird since Kyumin and Kihae are my otps.)

Sorry for the angst overload people. Tell me what you think about it 8D ?

Comments are <3

(and yes, i'm aware that Donghae bouncing on Hyukkie's bed while saying "Hyukjae Hyukjae! Hyukjae!" and Hyuk replying with: "mmmmmm." is somewhat wrong, but i didn't mean it! I swear! :o)

Can this be considered a collection of drabbles?

Comments

( 12 comments — Leave a comment )
Sook Kwan Loong
Jan. 29th, 2011 10:04 am (UTC)
wow. this is quite good. an interesting chain of events. sad though T.T all of them falling for one after the other.

thanks for sharing =)
taichick
Jan. 29th, 2011 11:44 am (UTC)
thank YOU for reading and commenting, <3

i wish i could make this happier, but then i wouldn't know who to pair who with because if i pair one with the other, somebody else would get sad and so on and so on. :p.

(why does an ot15 come to mind?)
enigmatic_123
Jan. 29th, 2011 05:12 pm (UTC)
The Kihae fish .. Eunhyuk > Donghae > Kibum > Random chick?! ;-;
taichick
Jan. 30th, 2011 02:00 am (UTC)
i know. i'm horrible for killing off the poor defenseless fish. :(

kihaehyuk <|3

thank you for commenting! <3
myhlum
Jan. 30th, 2011 04:57 am (UTC)
my heart was broken
just as Yehung's.

"Ryeowook loves me." Yesung tells the turtle waiting there.

Ddangkoma retreats into his shell.

this marks. smart.
taichick
Jan. 30th, 2011 08:59 am (UTC)

(stitches your heart back together)
thank you! <3

arashi_nana
Jan. 30th, 2011 01:27 pm (UTC)
"Ryeowook loves me." Yesung tells the turtle waiting there.

Ddangkoma retreats into his shell.


I flailed. Poor Sungie :(

Gah how could you make everyone so... unhappy? It made me so sad -stares at the pieces of my broken heart-

I think the EunHae KiHae killed me.... poor Hyukkie, poor Hae... poor fishy Kihae :(

But I definitely loved reading this <3
taichick
Jan. 31st, 2011 04:57 am (UTC)
Yes poor Sungie D: he's my second bias I don't know how i can do this to him, or to any of the others. I guess I was just in an angst mood and this was what came out.

Need help fixing your heart?

-revives you in case the kihaehyuk really killed you-
My poor fishies.

Thanks for loving and commenting! <3
heijihatsutori
Mar. 10th, 2011 04:39 pm (UTC)
Mems this.
taichick
Mar. 11th, 2011 01:41 am (UTC)
<3 thank you!
heijihatsutori
Mar. 18th, 2011 05:25 am (UTC)
Welcome~ :)
kukigongjoo
Mar. 22nd, 2011 04:01 pm (UTC)
Kibuuuum... </3 :"< Ah, I loved this.. ^^ Thankyou for writing it..! it was well written!
( 12 comments — Leave a comment )

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